i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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