Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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