Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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