By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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