did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
