I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
