Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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