You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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