Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Text me some of your sweat
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize