failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
