You can't motorboat a personality
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
