Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
