Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
