oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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