It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
