I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
