it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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