I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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