Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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