what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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