So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
