If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
