we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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