mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i've created a new STD.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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