Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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