Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
how do flat chested girls get laid?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
