apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
