I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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