so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
operation harelip BJ is a go
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
