Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
did i walk over a car last night?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
