8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
