I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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