I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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