i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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