I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
