if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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