Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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