Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
