So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
