we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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