Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
