His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
