Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My vagina is very pro this idea
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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