I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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