My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
is it fun? or sober?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
