I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
