I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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