Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
