I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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