I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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