What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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