I wanna passion pit in your ass
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It was like getting head from an anaconda
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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