I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
