Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
