he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
