A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Nicole vs. Life
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I want a musical about memes.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
