you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
