can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
