Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
