Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We were destined to go to rehab together
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
