You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
