I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
