areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize