If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
