Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
