i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
