Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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