i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
